As parents, we have all been there. I half-jokingly refer to my daughter as Mono-Syll-Annie, for her one word responses to my inquires about her day. Heck, even her text messages are limited to: “Good” or “Fine” or if I’m lucky, “How are you?”

And I’d like to think I have a pretty good relationship with my daughter.

Getting children to open up to us can be challenging. Books have been written on the subject. Countless psychologists have penned magazine articles. Each puts its own twist on the subject, but they all have common denominators.

Engage the Brain has sorted through the literature, determined the common denominators and reduced them to bite-sized nuggets you can easily digest and use to engage your child in conversation.

As frustrating as it can be, engaging your child in conversation has important payoffs. It helps increase cognitive functions (thinking), improve social skills (getting along with others) and regulate emotional (feelings) growth. In both of you:-)

The Common Denominators

Express enthusiasm for your child’s interests, even if they are not yours.

Acknowledge your child’s frustrations, fears and or disappointments.

Share personal experiences, especially examples of when you were sad, disappointed or angry.

Ask specific questions. Rather than “How was your day?” ask “What was the favorite part of your day?”

The Daily Meal is a company that puts together dinnertime activities for busy families. One part of their program is providing ready-made questions to ask kids at the dinner table. Here are a few examples:

• What was the best part of your day? Worst part of your day?
• If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you want to go and why?
• What have you learned in the news this week that you’ve found interesting?
• What was your favorite part of a recent trip or vacation?
• If you could do something to change the world, what would it be? Why?
• What are you looking forward to doing this weekend?
• What family member do you think you’re most similar to?
• Honesty is the best policy — Do you agree or disagree?
• (http://www.dailymeal.com)

Allow your child to respond to questions in different ways. While some children are verbal, others are more analytical, dramatic or even physical. Playroom Lubbick.com offers these three suggestions:

Use a wand or a sword to answer questions. This gives kids a sense of power to be able to wave a wand or sword in conversation.

Use puppets! You can pick up puppets at the Dollar Tree. Helps children with risk taking of being honest and vulnerable.

Use a beach ball or other large plastic ball and a sharpie to write questions. Toss the ball and wherever your child’s thumb or index finger lands, that is the question to answer. Great for kids who like to be active or use their bodies.

Find the right time. Just as adults don’t like to walk in the door from work and be bombarded with questions from their spouse, children may need to time to decompress too. Dinnertime or even bedtime may be a more relaxing time for your child and then be more willing to open up about the day’s events.

Conclusion

We all want to raise happy, well-adjusted children. Even the most extroverted kids come to a point when they stop communicating with their parents. Don’t throw in the towel and declare that you have “lost your child to their friends and social media.” Persistence pays off.

Ask a specific question. Empathize with your child. Share personal stories. Find the right time. Do these things and your child will open up to you.