How can parents best prepare for parent-teacher conferences? By establishing a supportive partnership with teachers and doing their homework prior to the meeting.
With October galloping in with ghosts and goblins and a heavy dose of candy, there is another (potentially) scary event that usually takes place this month: parent-teacher conferences.
For many reasons these time-tested events can strike nerves in all the participants, leaving some to dread the actual 15-minute-ish meeting. But it does not need to- and should not- be this way.
By preparing properly and establishing a supportive partnership with the teacher(s), parent-teacher conferences can be a time for information sharing, questions being answered – by both parties – and formulating a plan to best move your child forward in their academic, social, and emotional growth.
Prior to the conference
As children grow and enter their school-age years, sometimes we can forget that parents are still their child’s first and most important teachers. In theory, your child arrives in the classroom each morning properly fed, well-mannered around other human beings, and ready to learn. If your child’s social-emotional well-being needs assistance, please read our blog post about how to build resilience and support children with these critical skills.
Next, know your child’s teacher’s preferred method of communication. Perhaps during Meet-the-Teacher night or through an early-in-the-school-year email, the teacher sent this information out. Some teachers prefer to use their formal school email; others may use the LMS (Learning Management System) such as Canvas to send and receive messages.
Once you know the preferred contact method, reach out to the teacher a week or two before the conference and ask if there is any information they could send home for you to review prior to the conference. Is there any testing or Progress Monitoring that took place? Or is there any information they would like you to bring to discuss? This way you can generate some questions and feel more informed about your child rather than learning this information at the conference.
Another important step to take prior to the conference is to review your child’s grades through the school’s online grading system. Most every school uses some version of a grading system such as Power School, Renweb, or Edmodo. Typically you will need your child’s username and password to log in and see their current grades.
Finally, talk with your child before the conference. Do they have any concerns or questions they would like answered? Sometimes kids have the best questions to ask, and hearing the teacher’s response/s may be the best way to spend the limited time of the conference. Not sure what to ask? Then these questions from Understood can give you some suggestions.
During the conference
As you head into the school for the conference, remember that your child’s teacher is probably meeting with many parents back to back to back. It is equally stressful on the teacher, who is presumably trying their best to stick to the tight conference schedule. So be prepared to respect the structure and timeframe of the meeting that the teacher has set.
The Harvard Family Research Project has some general information parents can review to help understand the purpose and goals of a typical parent- teacher conference.
If you have a concern about the teacher, one that could get awkward, try using the Oreo method to address it. First, start with a compliment or positive statement for the teacher. “We appreciate the passion and energy you bring to the classroom.” Next, share the concern. “We are concerned that recess is being taken away as a behavior consequence, and we wonder if together we might consider an alternative approach.” Finally, share another positive statement about the teacher. “Addison adores the way you teach addition, and we appreciate your extra efforts to make learning fun.” By sandwiching the concern, you build good will, and hopefully the teacher is more responsive to your concern.
Of course this should be obvious, but in case it isn’t: you need to keep your cool. If the Oreo method does not diffuse a concern, act like an adult! Perhaps the issue will need to be addressed at a later time with a principal or other administrator present.
Bring something to write with and on. It could be as simple as a pen and notebook, or use the notes app on your phone. Recording notes of the interactions can be beneficial later as you try to recall what was and was not discussed.
An important part of the conference is to learn how your child is doing in their academics. But do not forget to ask about those parts of your child that cannot be tested, such character and friendships. How are their social emotional skills doing in comparison to classmates?
Finally, practice active listening and make sure you understand all the information the teacher is sharing. Often times educators can slip into jargon or lingo they use daily, forgetting that non-educators will not know what BYOD (Bring Your Own Device) or an IEP (Individual Education Plan) is. If you are not sure of something, ask!
After the conference
After the conference, it is important that you follow up on any recommendations. For example, if your child is still mastering their basic math facts in any or all of the four operations (add, subtract, multiply, and divide), then set up a daily practice schedule for 10 minutes each day that your child will use. Or schedule an appointment with the eye doctor to see if your child truly has a vision issue, or if they are just “math blind” and numbers send them into temporary blindness!
Commit to communicating regularly with the teacher. Depending on your child’s needs, perhaps a check-in email every other week is appropriate. Keep it short and simple.
And of course talk with your child! Inform them of the results of the conference and any necessary adjustments to their schedule. Will the child start seeing a specialist once a week or engage in some other intervention?
Finally, sending a thank you note or email to the teacher continues to build good will and sends the message that you view yourself as part of your child’s education team.
Final thoughts
October ushers in lots of scary things, such as ill-fitting – and perhaps ill-designed – costumes and an overabundance of pumpkin spice. Parent-teacher conferences need not be on the list of scary events that you encounter. By establishing a cordial and supportive relationship with your child’s teacher from the first day of school and doing your homework prior to the conference, you will put yourself, and more importantly your child, in the best position to succeed.
If you would like assistance with preparing for your child’s parent-teacher conference or have questions after the conference about the recommendations, please contact Jennifer Disch at Engage the Brain to set up a meeting.