How do you help your child set and achieve goals? By following this 5 step plan and focusing on SMART goals.

As the ball drops in New York City’s Times Square with the strains of Auld Lang Syne fading in the background, and you begin the dreaded clean up of your New Year’s Eve celebration (maybe with a slight headache), many people begin the obligatory process of setting New Year’s resolutions. Improve diet, exercise more, and save more money are popular aspirations. And according to recent research, by the end of January over 60 percent of people will have already abandoned their resolutions. 

Why is this case? Perhaps the simplest explanation is focusing on the difference between a resolution and a goal. A resolution is more general and a statement of hopeful change. I will join a gym in 2023 and begin working out. A goal has a specific target and steps to achieve it. I will work out three days a week for 45 minutes each day. 

While many adults go through this annual ritual of resolution setting in early January, children can benefit from guided goal setting, too. According to PositivePsychology, encouraging your child to sift through a series of possible goals – and formulating a plan to achieve them – has great benefits including:

• improving self-image
• increasing awareness of strengths and weaknesses
• building responsibility
• improving decision making
• giving kids a lead role in their future
• providing a successful experience 

In addition to these amazing perks, reflective self-improvement, also called a growth mindset, has been found to be a better predictor of future success than IQ.

But of course children need help with this process. Here is what research says are the best strategies to use to help your child set and achieve their goals.

SMART goals

Many people have heard of the acronym SMART when planning to set up some goals. SMART goals were developed by George Doran, Arthur Miller and James Cunningham in their 1981 article “There’s a S.M.A.R.T. way to write management goals and objectives.” Let’s break it down.

S: specific – goal is identified and has a specific purpose and benefit.

M: measurable – it can be deemed successful. I will achieve at least an 80% on weekly spelling tests.

A: attainable – your child can realistically achieve the goal. If your child is 8 years old, dunking a basketball on a ten foot high rim is not going to happen.

R: relevant – the goal has a clear connection to your child and he sees the benefit of it.

T: time-bound – there is timed part of the goal. I will earn at least an 80% on my weekly spelling tests for the 3rd quarter of school.

Choosing goals with your child

Right at the outset it is critical that your child select the goal. That doesn’t mean you cannot suggest and guide them to the best one. One way to do this is to employ the Three Stars and a Wish model, which is especially effective for younger children. Start by picking a category such as math or basketball and list three “stars,” or areas of strength and one “wish,” an area for improvement. The area for improvement may be a possibility for a goal. 

Perhaps your child does well on math class assignments and homework but scores relatively low on tests. You could lead your child through the SMART goal steps to establish a goal to improve on the math tests.

Of course that leads us to types of goals. In short there are school-related or academic goals and non-school related goals, such as learning a new instrument. Each area has many fruitful possibilities. If selecting a school-based goal, ensure it meets all of the SMART goal steps and is something your child truly wants to accomplish. In the area of non-school or non-academic goals, guide your child to think about character goals such as caring, courtesy, and/or generosity. Again, it is imperative that your child want to achieve this goal if she is going to have a chance to be successful.

Steps to goal setting

Once you and your child have settled on an appropriate goal, it is time to plan it out. Having a sequence to follow is important so that your child can see the steps and ensure they are manageable and achievable.

1. Select the goal:  In addition to the above referenced ideas, ensure the goal is of the right challenge level – think attainable in the SMART goal acronym. Too easy and there is no payoff or growth. Too difficult and frustration will emerge and feelings of ineptitude could appear. 
2. Plan the steps:  Your child will probably need lots of guidance during this step. Help your child work backwards from the goal and brainstorm all the steps that will be necessary to achieve it. Emphasize smaller, more manageable steps and realistic time frames to accomplish each step. Write these steps down and place them where they can be checked frequently and updated. 
3. Brainstorm any roadblocks: Most good and challenging goals will have set backs.  Anticipating these – or as many as you can – will help prepare your child for the misstep. For example, if your child’s goal is to earn an 80% or higher on weekly spelling tests and she receives a 75%, plan what she could do differently. Perhaps she needs to write each word down three times AND have a parent quiz her nightly.
4. Monitor and adjust as necessary: Because you generated possible roadblocks, this step is important in keeping your child on track. As the life span of the goal unravels, help your child evaluate what has gone well and what, if anything, needs adjusting. Perhaps it is a small tweak. In other cases there may need to be a major shift. Guide your child to determine what changes need to be or should be made.
5. Celebrate both small and big successes: Please celebrate your child’s journey in goal setting. Whether he accomplishes the goal or not, point out any successes achieved along the way. For example, if your child’s goal was to earn a 90% or higher on math tests during the 3rd quarter and he ends up with a 84%, and that is an improvement over the 2nd quarter scores, celebrate! These celebrations will improve your child’s self-esteem and provide a boost of confidence that they can be successful in other parts of their life, too.

Final thoughts

As the calendar flips to January and a new year begins, encourage your child to set a goal in place of making a traditional New Year’s resolution. In addition to elevating their self-esteem and confidence in accomplishing other tasks, goal setting has the added bonus of boosting their Executive Functions, which includes time management, organization, and self-monitoring. While it is important that your child ultimately select the goal, parental guidance and feedback is critical to your child choosing one that meets the SMART goal parameters. And do not forget to model your own goal setting in either your personal or professional life. Your children are watching!

If your child struggles with setting and achieving goals or has an Executive Functions weakness, please contact Jennifer Disch at Engage the Brain to discuss how a Learning Specialist could help your child develop the necessary skills.