Does success actually lead to more success? It does, and encouraging your child to find their success has huge benefits.

Childhood is getting harder. Whether it is staring at relentless (and addictive) social media feeds, playing nonstop (and addictive) video games, eating a steady diet of processed (and addictive) foods, or some other unknown conundrum, children seem to be struggling more and more. According to a study in JAMA Pediatrics, rates of anxiety and depression in children ages 3 to 17 increased by 29% and 27%, respectively, from 2016 to 2020. And these numbers are from before the pandemic! More recently, on May 2, 2023, the Surgeon General released Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation: The U.S. Surgeon General’s Advisory on the Healing Effects of Social Connection and Community, noting that the rate of loneliness among young adults has increased every year between 1976 and 2019.

Withdraw and isolation appear to be the norm for today’s kids. How do parents combat this vexing and disturbing trend?

By helping their child find success! 

Children who learn differently often do not experience many successes in their young lives. Whether it is ADHD, dyslexia, or speech-language issue, these afflictions make successes hard to come by. But experiencing one success can lead to another!

A study in the journal Science Daily found that success does breed success.  Another study reported on in Psychology Today echoed the results. Factors such as your child’s special talents and networks of supportive contacts – hello parents and your friends! – are important to success.

Keys to success

Success expert (I did not know there was such a job) Richard St. John says the most important skill for success is focus. He has interviewed people such as Richard Branson and Bill Gates and has given popular Ted Talks on success. Once your child begins an activity, the importance of focus is critical to the learning of this new skill. Put another way, replace the word focus with the phrase sustained and prolonged effort, and one can see perhaps what St. John was referring to. 

According to Claire McCarthy, MD, Senior Faculty Editor, Harvard Health Publishing, true success and happiness in life come from being able to create, persevere, roll with life’s punches, and work with others.  To that end, she recommends children practice and reinforce their executive functioning skills. These skills include the ability to plan, manage time, and honestly evaluate one’s progress. She also stresses the importance of letting children be independent and allowing them to fail. There are many famous stories about inventors and creators failing miserably. Children need to learn that it is okay to fail; it is how we learn!

Finally, we need to help children understand that success is more about the process than the destination. As your child acquires new skills, celebrate these little wins along the way. By teaching your child that success is not a final destination, they are more likely to stick to their goal. 

Nurturing your child to help find their activity

A few months ago we wrote about the importance of extracurricular activities. Better grades, more connection to the school community – hello epidemic of loneliness and isolation – and improved self-esteem were all by-products of participation in extracurriculars. In addition, the earned successes that come from these activities are powerful. They can be like rocket fuel for your child, propelling them and motivating them, especially those who have not tasted much success in the past.

At Engage the Brain, we believe every child has special gifts. Some are natural artists while others excel on the playing field in athletics, while still others are gifted performers who can sing and or act. As mentioned above, children with learning differences often do not experience success in any area. These are the kids who need guidance to experience genuine success in their lives. 

There are many great options that exist, though some may not be the most popular. Within sports, some children may gravitate to lesser known activities such as archery or yoga. Perhaps a child is more service oriented and a natural helper. Civic organizations such Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts could be options. The National Wildlife Foundation has a wonderful opportunity with its Kids Garden for Wildlife program, where children plant and maintain a garden to help wildlife in urban areas. The point is children need help to find the activity that best suits them, so each can then apply focus and sustained effort, keys to success and all its powerful benefits.

My child is not interested in finding an activity

Clearly some children will need prodding, pushing, and extra encouragement to keep pursuing different activities until they find the one. It bears repeating that for children who think and learn differently and are neurodiverse, success may have eluded them. So how does a parent walk the line between being demanding and perhaps even called the word that rhymes with glass bowl, and simply giving up and allowing the child to retreat and not participate in activities outside of the required school day? In a word, balance.

One suggestion is to know your child’s friends. What are their interests? Are any of them participating in an activity your child may like to try? Another possibility is to share one of your own passions. If you enjoy photography, bring (drag) your child along so that they can get a sense of the whole process. 

Another option to is be a salesman or saleswoman. Teach your child the benefits of participation. For example, maybe your child will meet new friends who share similar interests. If he shows promise in art, then browse various program options and include him in the decision-making process to identify which activity best matches his comfort level. 

And if your child flat out refuses to join in any type of extracurricular activity? Then it may be time to consult your pediatrician and rule out other more serious issues such as depression and/or anxiety.

Final thoughts

Unlike the chicken and the egg that has been debated on the outer fringes of science and the internet for years, the question of whether success breeds success has been answered. Studies have proven that yes, in fact achieving success in one area is more likely to lead to other successes. With this nugget of wisdom in their parenting toolbox, parents need to nudge their children to find an activity that they can be successful doing. Children who think and learn differently may not have experienced an accumulation of achievements, so extra encouragement and casting a wide net of possible activities is critical.

Once your child selects an activity, fostering focus and extended effort will be important factors in their success journey. Celebrate small wins along the way and remind your child that the path is just as important as the final destination. And once your child gets a taste of success, watch out; a dose of confidence can lead her to great places she never thought she could get to before.

If your child struggles with finding success, contact Jennifer Disch at Engage the Brain to learn how a Learning Specialist may be able to help your child obtain the skills necessary to find those elusive successes.